I’ll be honest, not competing at the Pan Pacs this weekend was harder than I thought it would be. I really wanted that final win to see out the year.
Its strange, I’m so happy and proud for everyone I know who competed. Even those I would have been competed against.
I don’t know, there is still a feeling of envy, maybe a fear of missing out, I don’t know what running through it for me. I am feeling sorry for myself.
I wasn’t ready to finish at Nationals at a white belt.I am blue belt now and I know next year I will have a lot of competitions a head of me in preparation for Masters, so I shouldn’t worry.
The grass is always greener though…
Quite frankly, my biggest hurdle is nutrition. My diet has gone to shit since I stopped preparing for Pan Pacs. I have eaten my feelings. I’ve had a bit of ‘non comp related’ stress and pressure happening along side injury and my will power simply cracked and it hasn’t seemed to return yet.
I’m being kind to my mental health and not pushing any specific diet on my body at the moment. Double edge sword, I am feeding my body complete junk. Its awful.
I’m also not doing as much cardio as I would like and I’m feeling it.
Today is Sunday. I’m over feeling sorry for myself. Tomorrow I begin again.
Lets do this.